Something. Anything. But I have no original ideas at the moment, so I’ll share my thoughts written on that first blurred page of the grey notebook pictured in my previous post. They’re just random thoughts. Please don’t expect to be wowed.
June 12, 2013
I wanted to write this while flying over the Atlantic. Sadly, my pen had run out of ink (barely had enough to fill out my customs declaration form!) and had to wait until I was in Newark Airport to purchase a ridiculously overpriced “New York” pen. But it writes, so…Man I’m really bummed I couldn’t write from 40,000 feet! Meh, that’s alright. There’s always time on the second leg of the journey. I wasn’t sure what to write here. My new friend (whom I shall call BJ) gave it to me. A very thoughtful gift. I don’t think BJ was aware of how much I used to enjoy “journaling.” Nonetheless, they whipped this lovely little gift out of their bag, while we were sat in an Asian bakery (Ho’s Bakery, it was called) in Manchester. BJ had stuck a letter inside the pocket but told me not to read it until later. I did. While drunk. In Liverpool with my best friend. It made me cry. I won’t say why. (The alcohol certainly had something to do with it.)
I feel I shouldn’t mention the last year of my life here. It is pain; it is hurt. And it doesn’t exactly help the “moving forward” process if I keep dwelling, does it? No looking back, only forward. That’s what BJ wanted me to do anyway. Use this book to write something inspiring, fresh, and for the future. I’m still not exactly sure how to accomplish that, but the simple act of writing these probably meaningless words right this minute at gate C133 of Newark International Airport makes me feel I’m on the right track. I feel like BJ’s expecting all sorts of great things from this book; I don’t want to disappoint them! I’m not too worried about disappointing myself in this respect because I’m proud of myself just for writing again. Anything. I miss it. It’s therapeutic and I seem to have forgotten this the past few years. I’ve neglected it. This, and reading. 😦 I’d like to get back into both this summer, along with a list of other things I want to accomplish (and really need to – driver’s license!).
Off-topic: such beautiful weather today. So glad to be in America again. You don’t appreciate home more than when an entire country and its people collectively shit on you. (Okay, I exaggerate. A bit.) Nearly home though, for good. And that feels really good. I hope it goes well. And if not, well, we’ll still make lemonade anyway. Just in time for summer.